We had a tough morning today. Chase turns 16 months next week but I’m pretty sure that some days, we’re already in the Terrible Twos phase. On one hand, Chase gets more and more independent every day - he knows what he likes, he’s insanely curious, he’s got the memory of an elephant and the energy of seven Red Bulls. On the other hand, some days he’s exhausting before 10 am. Don't get me wrong - he's about 85% incredible and hard to complain about.. but then there's that 15% that just tests us.
This morning, Chase emptied Chiphe’s wallet while he was on a conference call. He put two credit cards under the fridge and dumped the rest of the contents in an un-flushed toilet (not naming names, but thank GOD it was only pee. What’s that phrase I fucking hate? “If it’s yellow let it mellow”? A man definitely came up with that. Also, literally every human being on the planet forgets to flush from time to time, so don’t come for us, you internet-perfect lairs!). Chase apparently then took wads if toilet paper and swooshed them around in the un-flushed toilet with the toilet brush. And since, as a parent, you don’t get to just ignore shit anymore, I had to fish everything out. I damn near scrubbed the skin off my arms while dry-heaving, all before I heading out to work this morning.
OH! And we can’t find our only set of car keys. So, there’s that.
As I approach my second Mother’s Day, it honestly feels drastically different from my first. For my first, Chase was only about 4 months old – sweet, bright-eyed, unable to walk/climb/run/open doors/etc. I was just coming out of that newborn fog and starting to feel like my “new-self” again. I was shocked/proud/humbled by the fact I brought a human into the world, but I was still had no idea how I was going to survive. What’s different this time around? I feel fucking STRONG! I feel like a bad-ass Mama Bear for getting through our first year & some change as parents and keeping a human being ALIVE (and happy! And healthy!)! I’m amazed by what feels like the wealth of knowledge I now have in regards to having a kid! Disclaimer: I’m still exhausted & Mommy-Brain is real, but damn, do I feel accomplished!
But while I marvel at how incredible it can be to be someone’s momma, I still think becoming a mom is the weirdest shit I’ve ever done. By now, I hope all of you know that I’m not the flowery, everything-is-awesome kinda mother. The shit is weird, okay! You lay down absolutely ALL control just to let a human grow in your body, and then you lose sleep and get pooped on basically for the rest of your life -- willingly! You fish the contents of your wallet out of gross toilets! You recognize the kiddie song playing in the background of your friend’s Facebook Story and message them, “OMG, Chase loves that song!” instead of “Girl, you look gorgeous!” which is really the reaction your friend was looking for...
Motherhood is weird and I don’t think it’ll ever stop being weird. For a long time, I dealt with a lot of push & pull between the Old Lauren and the New Mom Lauren. I still have days where I have to remind myself that it’s okay to put the Old Lauren to bed because, let’s face it, she’s not coming back no matter how hard anyone tries! And to be honest, the Old Lauren doesn’t need to come back to life. New Mom Lauren is constantly learning new things from this phase of life - whether it’s learning to have enough patience and gag-control to stick my arm in pee, or that my child is seemingly brilliant, or that I can actually survive as a full-time working person & full-time mother. So, this Mother’s Day, I’m looking forward to celebrating myself - all that I’ve learned, all that I’ve accomplished, and all that I cannot wait to experience as I continue down this very, very weird road as Chase’s Mom, Lauren.